I've been working out for months and haven't noticed any change. What am I doing wrong?
Dear Fat Rut,
The problem is that you are working out. No one works out these days to lose weight. They go to the gym to show other people they are trying to shed those extra pounds and that it has nothing to do with their V.I.P. membership to the Old Country Buffet. But in your case you actually want to lose weight so here's what I would suggest – run over a G
ypsy woman with your car. In the movie, Thinner, Billy Halleck couldn't lose a pound until he killed the daughter of Tadzu Lempke. Tadzu put the Thinner curse on Billy and voila, he lost 200 lbs just like that. Granted Billy's actions led to the deaths of his wife, daughter, and himself but that's the price you have to pay to be thin these days. Good luck.
If there's something you need advice for, contact us at firstname.lastname@example.org