That’s right, it’s October. Right now you are thinking to yourself, “I want to watch a horror movie this weekend but I don’t know what one.” Well don’t listen to Netflix, because it will probably recommend Saw VI. Instead, you should listen to me because I love movies. Not all of these movies will keep you up at night but I can promise you that when the credits roll you will be happy that you spent your night watching them.
If there are some movies you think I should have mentioned, please post in the comment section below. I’d like to make a second list but I need your help.
11. Night of the Creeps
This movie is the number one reason why you should never pledge for a fraternity and own a cat. Who would have thought that both would be carriers of such filthy and slimey things?
10. Rawhead Rex
Even though the story was written by Clive Barker (Hellraiser, Candyman), it’s really tough to get passed the fact that Rawhead Rex comes off as some some guy in a suit. So why did it even make it on the list?
Plain and simple the scene below is the main reason why it made the list. It’s also the main reason why when someone asks you to get “baptized” you should politely say, “No thank you.” And if they ask you to receive “communion” you better run like the wind.
9. Lady in White
Don’t confuse this movie with the Chris DeBurgh song, “Lady in Red,” because it’s not the best thing to have on in the background when you are slow dancing with your Middle School crush. If you are a fan of 80’s children’s movies like The Goonies and Explorers then this is the perfect Halloween movie for you. And if you do want to slow dance to this movie, no one is going to judge you – much.
8. Night of the Demons
Night of the Demons is the perfect public service announcement for warning kids that just because the candy is free, doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s safe to eat. So children make sure you have your candy checked by your parents. If you have not seen this movie, in the beginning the old man hates children so much that he puts razor blades in apples and plans to hand them out on Halloween. But as you will see, eating an apple a day might just kill you.
7. Dead Alive
If future filmmakers can learn one thing from Peter Jackson, it’s make whatever kind of movie you love, even if it’s gory as all hell, because one day that passion will win you an Oscar. That’s right Tom Six, maybe the academy will acknowledge The Human Centipede III (Final Sequence) the same way it honored The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King.
6. Pumpkin Head
Stan Winston, legendary Visual Effects Supervisor and makeup artist for the Terminator, Jurassic Park, and Predator franchises, made his directorial debut with Pumpkin Head. Unfortunately, his follow-up was A Gnome Named Gnorm.
The Misfits – Pumpkin Head
This album proved that The Misfits had finally given up on writing any original music and decided to write musical retellings of every horror movie ever made. Who really needs to watch a movie when you can sing it?
It’s quite obvious that Christopher Nolan’s Inception was inspired by this demon movie within a demon movie. Can’t you see the resemblance between Cobb and the bald, black pimp?
4. The Monster Squad
So you were in the Boy Scouts of America? Should we be impressed? If we ever want to see a badge collection of all of your “accomplishments” we’ll give you a call. Until that time comes The Monster Squad has some serious business to attend to – like saving your life. If you want to be a part of something that matters and think you have what it takes to be in The Monster Squad, take the simple test below. If you can’t figure it out don’t be so hard on yourself – millions have taken the test and failed.
3. Prince of Darkness
Donald Pleasence – check.
John Carpenter – double check.
Alice Cooper – exploding brains.
Prince of Darkness is the only movie where you will automatically receive a college credit in theoretical physics and atomic theory after watching it. When religion is powered and misused by strong faith it’s downright scary. When religion is powered by science it becomes real – and reality is scarier than any ghost story that could be told.
2. The Crow
This movie is somehow able to have almost every genre imaginable in it. It’s the greatest horror/drama/fantasy/action/love story ever made. The only thing that it’s missing is some banana cream pies to the face and seltzer water in the pants.
1. Halloween III: Season of the Witch
What has two thumbs and is Micheal Myers-less? This movie – if it had thumbs. Even though Mr. Myers is seen in this movie for two seconds, Halloween III: Season of the Witch is the only movie in the Halloween franchise where Michael Myers is not the killer. Even though he’s one of the greatest iconic movie characters ever, change is always a better road to travel. Besides, this movie has robots, masks that make children’s faces melt, and actor, Tom Atkins. The only thing that it’s missing is a catchy commercial jingle. Oh wait – nailed it.